(n.) The journey of changing one’s way of life.
I am at a point in my life where I just want to change. Change, EVERYTHING. After reading my last post you’ll learn that I have not been a good person. I have made A LOT of mistakes, but I am okay with that, I accept my past, and I willingly and openly move forward into a new life. After all, every saint has a past, right?
Now, this is not something I just woke up and decided. I have been getting sick of myself for a while, and I have been doing little things to make changes. I just feel that these little changes have not been enough and I can do better. My journey really started about 3 years ago.
The past couple of years, I have really been awakening to all the problems in the world. I’m not sure why, but I have this huge urge to try and fix things. (Weird coming from me, I know!) But, how can I try and fix the world when I am “broken” myself? I never really understood Michelle Jackson when he said: “If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make the change” until now.
I now understand I need to work on myself before I am able to be a voice in this world. Like who wants to listen to a hypocrite? For a long time, what really held me back was appearing as a “fraud”. I had thought that this is who I am and anything else was me being “fake”. It had taken me a while before I came to understand I am allowed to be better. I am allowed to change. I am allowed to expect more from myself.
Once I came to realize this, I started making a lot of changes. Not only with myself, but my way of life and the people who surrounded me.I felt like I needed a clean slate. Everything new. I don’t know if this was the right way to go about it, but I felt like everything in my life was wrong and the only way for me to really change was to make sure everything around me reflected what I wanted and who I wanted to be.
So here I am, starting from square one.
New mindset. New attitude. New lifestyle.